Spiritual Direction: Finding Freedom in a Bound World
Spiritual Direction: Finding Freedom in a Bound World
I am given space to imagine - the funeral cloth. At first tight and restrictive, it begins to fall away. I think about the disorientation he must have felt when brought back to life - the questions he might have asked. What happened? Why me? What now?
My spiritual director invites me to recall the story of Lazarus in the Bible.
“And he who had died came out bound hand and foot with graveclothes, and his face was wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them: loose him, and let him go.”
I’m drawn to consider the bindings of my own life – jobs and relationships that are no longer alive. And, how even though I have been released, freed from these, and invited into a new way of living and being, although loosened, I am still wearing the graveclothes, still working to leave them behind, to adjust.
His hands and feet were bound. His face still covered in a cloth. He needed witnesses to unwrap him.
Images populate my mind.
Surely these restrictions didn’t fall off immediately. Perhaps they unraveled. Did it take minutes, a few hours, several days to get comfortable with movement again? Did he step out of the them before setting the binding aside to walk from them?
Then, I consider the covering over his face. Were his eyes blinking as they adjusted to the light? Or, did he see clearly right away?
With room to contemplate sensations, images and feelings that accompany this particular scripture, I find correlation with my own experience. My spiritual director listens. She receives what I’m discovering - she holds space. She provides witness to my insights, helping me to untie those things which have kept me confined.
Compassion fills me. Compassion for myself. Compassion for others, reminded of the process, the time it takes – the dying and resurrection moments that punctuate our lives. Reminded that transition takes time, that I am not alone, that Christ is with us, and we are with each other, in these invitations to unbind.
To feel free.
What is spiritual direction?
As a regular participant in spiritual direction, I’m struck that each session brings a new sense of freedom. Either freedom in understanding myself and how I see the world, or sometimes the freedom to know that it is okay not to feel okay.
“Spiritual direction is taking a long, loving look at what is real and seeking freedom from that which binds,” says Rev. Dr. Lil Smith, Founder and Director of Retreat House Spirituality Center as well as adjunct faculty at Perkins School of Theology’s Certificate in Spiritual Direction (CSD) program and spiritual formation at Southern Methodist University. “It provides space to savor the Holy and embrace a deeper meaning and purpose in life.”
In a culture seeking measured outcomes, one of the many gifts of this work is that the only expected outcome from spiritual direction is that the Holy Spirit will show up and reveal something new about self, God and/or the world.
Also known as holy listening and sacred companioning, spiritual direction is simply a practice by which a trained spiritual guide (director) sits with a pilgrim (directee) listening for the movement of the Holy Spirit.
Benefits
My spiritual director listens, and she listens deeply. She asks questions. We discuss dreams, visions, feelings. We wonder and ponder. We celebrate. We notice. Where is the energy in my body? Does a thread, a pattern exist in my prayer time? What might God want to teach me, to show me? We focus on our breath. We pray. We consider holy texts that correlate with the focus of our time together, helping me to see myself as part of God’s unfolding universe, through the lens that we are all held in His gaze of love and grace.
I overheard someone once say that everyone should have a spiritual director and a therapist. I tend to agree. There is something remarkably different about the two, and I’m grateful to have benefited from both.
“Spiritual direction involves compassionate listening,” says Smith. “The spiritual director is not prescribing anything. We release the need to fix, making room to see what God might do.”
There is something sacred about my director’s presence. When tears or laughter emerge during a spiritual direction session, or when God decides to impart some new tenderness or notion towards a situation or person, or even myself, my director is with me, bearing witness, as together, we receive these offerings that come from within and beyond. In these moments, there is power in being seen, by her, by God, and this mystery of affirmation somehow moves me forward.
Like Lazarus, we need someone to help us tend to those things which keep us tethered as we rejoice in our resurrections and the path it takes to get there.
This is holy ground.
Going Deeper
Freedom from self-judgement and projected judgement of the world release new life and one that can actually be filled with delight.
“I wish people knew that the gift to getting to know your authentic self underneath the ego is the best gift you can give yourself,” Smith says.
While many people find the need to connect with a spiritual director following a dark night of the soul or another form of experienced trauma, this spiritual practice is available to anyone who is seeking a closer relationship with Holy mystery.
Ruben Habito, leads both the Spiritual Formation program as well as the Certification in Spiritual Direction program at Perkins, and explains that while attachments are a normal part of life – ego, material items like homes and cars, reputation, self-image – all of those things that we cling to, while not bad things, can potentially prevent us from experiencing the fullness God intends for us if they keep us from getting in touch with our true selves.
“Sometimes we hold onto things for dear life, not realizing they are actually choking us,” says Habito. “These things can prevent freedom and experiencing what God wants for us.”
The Western world, while filled with beautiful conveniences, has left many of us disconnected from ourselves and God - and many times, we don’t realize it. We just feel that something is missing, or our body begins to show signs of severe stress. For me, it took two to three years as a directee to learn that my deepest desires, when lived out - like writing, missions, more contemplative work, were the things that seemed to not only bring me joy but others seemed to benefit most from these pursuits as well. When I stopped comparing myself, when, although painful at times, I allowed my self importance to vacate the driver’s seat, I moved into a more expansive version of myself.
Things started to flow.
“Holy listening invites us to let go of judgement, thoughts and beliefs that divide us, says Smith. “Even things that divide us from ourselves.”
What if God’s desires are actually our deepest desires, the ones that will bring us as well as our friends, family, colleagues, even our local and global communities the most joy, goodness and fullness life on this side of heaven has to offer?
Format
Spiritual direction can take place in a variety of ways. Many directors choose to meet at a designated location for an in-person meeting: a church, coffee shop, retreat center or outdoor park are just some of the common places to get together. Though not as common, some directors like to meet with directees in their home. Directors are encouraged to discern the safest form of connecting with their directee, and places may vary depending on each relationship. Ultimately, the location is decided upon between both parties.
Phone calls, FaceTime and other virtual meeting options like ZOOM have become popular methods of gathering. A virtual discussion allows for direction to happen regardless of distance, and as our society continues to navigate life during a pandemic, this option is especially helpful in continuing this ministry.
Regardless of the connection method, direction sessions include:
Scheduled 50 minutes - 1 hour session
Opening prayer led by director
Director lighting a candle recognizing Christ’s presence
Understanding that there is no agenda
Posture and space to welcome the Holy
Closing prayer
Spiritual direction sessions look different depending on the style of the director as well as the needs of the directee. Sessions may include various activities that connect individuals to the divine:
Most spiritual direction partners meet on a monthly basis, a time frame allowing for distance, giving time for God’s work to take root, to deepen. Each session can take on a life of its own, depending on the leading of the Holy Spirit. As professionals, some directors set sliding scale fees while others choose to provide this ministry free of charge. Some sessions incorporate the above activities, while others encompass a simple dialogue of listening and sharing.
If you are not sensing love and hope at the end of a direction session, there is more work to do. Keep wrestling.
“God is faithful to your journey. Love and hope will emerge. Be gentle with yourself and befriend any judgement that arises in you.”
Finding a spiritual director
Keep in mind that a relationship between spiritual director and directee is rooted and grounded in trust. And, like any relationship, it must work for both parties. Though founded in the Christian tradition, spiritual direction is a tool for those from all faith backgrounds or none. All are welcome.
“As a spiritual director, we get to offer a person some peace and calm,” says Habito. “I want people to know that God’s greatest desire for us is to feel shalom in the face of fear. In direction, we have a chance to unpack, to look at those underlying desires, to see what might be preventing total union with God.”
Smith, who also serves as a spiritual director and supervisor, encourages initial conversation where directee and director can get a feel for the partnership to see if it might be a fit.
“I encourage new directees to share hopes for the relationship,” says Smith. “It guides our initial time together and brings up opportunities to discern if we want to move forward.”
If you are seeking a spiritual director, Spiritual Directors International (SDI) has a good list of questions to help you with this new relationship as well as a list of directors around the world. Retreat House is a space where Dallas area spiritual directors gather. You can find a list of those local directors here.
Lazarus means God has helped.
I try to be patient with my bandages - my bondages, as they untwist, untie. God has helped me, through the power of his Holy Spirit, to release that which keeps me bound. I know I’ll be bound again, other compulsions, upsets will come, but I’ll try to remain gentle with myself, knowing that life is a journey, and my heart is full knowing I have companions who travel with me along the way.
Consider these words from Frederick Buechner’s book Wishful Thinking: A Theological ABC:
“The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”
Oh what a wonderful world this could be!
Do you find yourself in deep conversations? Do you enjoy listening to others? If you’re considering becoming a trained spiritual director, SDI’s Web site lists attributes for those interested in this type of work.
For more information, or to enroll in the certification in spiritual direction program at Perkins School of Theology, visit SMU’s Web site. You can also find a list of additional training programs here.
Emily Turner is a trained spiritual director currently accepting new directees. She is also a writer. She would love to hear from you.