Finding your own voice in prayer: What load do you carry?

Rev. Dr. Laura Murray is a trained spiritual director, coach and writer. She is also a partner of Retreat House Spirituality Center.

The contemplative community of Retreat House seeks to foster safe spaces where participants, individuals, pilgrims, might nurture their true selves. We believe prayer is part of this, and we also know that prayer looks different for each of us depending on our divine wiring, histories and the seasons in life in which we found ourselves.

Murray’s book Pray as You Are: Finding Your Own Voice in Prayer offers invitations for readers to draw from their own experiences as they begin to cultivate a sense of how the Holy is present and has been present in their life.

It is a joy to share excerpts from her work here in this sacred story space of RH.

A prayer from Laura: “Gracious God, we don’t know why you ask certain people to carry certain burdens. Really, you don’t even ask; they just have to carry them. And these burdens get so heavy. God, we pray for those carrying heavy loads. We pray for those carrying new burdens. We pray for those who watch while loved ones carry loads they cannot share. In your goodness, give them strength, courage, hope, and joy as they carry these heavy weights. Would you remind them that Jesus is with them and that he understands? Would you enable us to love them well and help carry their burdens? Please lighten their loads, even if for just a moment. We pray these things in Jesus’s strong name. Amen.”

Matthew 26:3 6–4 6 (The Bible)

TAKE THIS

My younger sister Annie has Down syndrome. I don’t know why she has to carry this load, but she does. I have asked God this question many times. I have wondered what it is like to carry it. I have imagined what life would be like if it were taken away. Will it be taken away in heaven when all things are good and right? Or will parts of the load be part of her story and part of her being made whole? I wonder. I also wonder what it is like for so many others who carry lifelong burdens. Why is someone born into an abusive family? Why is someone born with a genetic disposition to addiction? Why is someone born in a country where their worth is less than property? I grieve with those who carry new and unexpected loads. Why can they no longer walk? Why is their loved one so sick? Why is their memory failing?

I have been asked to carry a load from childhood. Even though much healing has come, I still carry some consequences from it like doubt, fear, and deep mistrust. I hate that I have to carry this load—a load that was the result of someone else’s sin. I live in hope that one day I will no longer have to bear this heavy weight, but my release may not come until heaven. We don’t want to trudge through life with these loads weighing us down. We don’t want these loads for our loved ones, for our friends, and for even a stranger. Some of these are burdens we would not wish on our worst enemies. They come as a consequence of this broken and sin-filled world. We did not ask for this brokenness, and yet it found us. It finds all of us. And under the weight of these loads, we can dare to ask God to take them away. Jesus dared to ask. He asked God three times to take away a load—a load that was the result of sin and brokenness and a load that led to his death. He asked, and God never took it away.

YOUR LOAD

Loads are heavy, and burdens wear us out. We want to be free from our loads, but we are not. We live with these realities. We all have loads and burdens we carry. What is your burden? What has God asked you to carry? Have you asked God to take it away and yet it remains? Jesus, the Son of God, was given a great load to carry. He was the only one who could carry it. He understands what it feels like to shoulder a heavy load.

PRACTICE

Read Matthew 26:36–46. Read this story two or three times, slowly. Sit in the story. Are there words or phrases that stand out or cause you to pause? Write these down. Now sit in your story. What loads do you have? What is weighing you down? Give yourself time to listen to what God wants to say to you through Jesus’s story. Take time to imagine yourself doing the things Jesus did. Be honest with yourself regarding your thoughts and feelings. Write down anything God brings up.

PRAYER

Practice praying in quiet for 15 minutes. Use as few words as possible. Simply meditate on Jesus’s story and the words and phrases you wrote above. Reflect on what God is showing you through Jesus’s story. Allow God to speak to your heart in this silent prayer.

Pray As You Are is a devotional workbook written by Laura Murray where you will find conversations and prayers. These conversations come from those before us who talked face to face with the God of the universe—and lived to tell us the story. You will find doubters and demanders, the curious and the questioning, the hopeful and the hopeless, the wonderers and the wanderers. We will walk through their stories, pay attention to our stories, and pray as we are. Purchase your copy.

This reflection What do you carry? is an excerpt from Chapter 3.