Kindness Without Stipulations
What is Loving Kindness? by Lauren Davis
If there is anything this pandemic has taught me, is how badly our society lacks in community and doing community well. It has shown me that I have become acquainted with isolation for a long time. So much so that the transition into social distancing, wearing a mask, and prepping for quarantine was incredibly easier than I thought.
In March, when ordinances were being placed to protect public health, the reality of my emotional ordinances becoming normalized terrified me because it showed the weight of suffering. I didn’t realize how much I didn’t want people to see me, and how often I kept my distance afraid of vulnerability. I thought I had this community thing figured out, but it revealed the broken lens I have been looking through for too long.
This virus has taken more than it has given. It has shown the best and worst sides of humanity. This pandemic revealed an epidemic of loneliness many of us have protected ourselves with for too long. What are we protecting ourselves from? Is there a cure for loneliness and what steps need to be made to restore what has been broken? I find myself teaching others about vulnerability and community yet am so afraid to have to need it.
Henri Nouwen speaks of brokenness in his book Life of the Beloved as revealing something about who we are.
“Our sufferings and pains are not simply bothersome interruptions of our lives; rather, they touch us in our uniqueness and most intimate individuality.”
Quite often our brokenness is not validated and is seen as a problem. How would community change if we saw brokenness as part of our uniqueness instead of being condemned for it? I believe we can accept this view of brokenness with loving kindness.
To love kindness is to practice the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. This is a counter-cultural response to a world that produces isolation, competition, and greed. An example of loving kindness to me is the way Jesus Christ led his ministry. He accepted people as they were to bring praise to God (Romans 15:7). He appreciated the work of his disciples and the work of his Father; letting them know what they did mattered (Luke 10:21, John 6:11). He showed affection through healing others and giving words of blessings (John 6:66-68). This communicated a sense of value and emotional reinforcement.
When we are encouraged and shown appreciation, we are then empowered and feel capable to do whatever we are called to do. I believe we have a hard time showing kindness to others because we aren’t taught how to be kind to ourselves. Jesus showed kindness without stipulations. Kindness wasn’t a transaction or something to be capitalized on. The kindness he showed radicalized and transformed the world. He served loving kindness never expecting kindness in return because he was obeying the will of his Father.
How can we practice acceptance, appreciation, and affection to empower and encourage our communities? How can we show kindness in a way that isn’t taken advantage of and boundaries are respected and not condemned? Are we able to see that the world is only evil when we become its slave? Loving kindness breaks us of that bondage. I have a lot to learn about practicing kindness, but I am hopeful to see how this will transform me and the communities I live in.
“This is it. This is the life we get here on earth. We get to give away what we receive. We get to believe in each other. We get to forgive and be forgiven. We get to love imperfectly. And we never know what effect it will have for years to come. And all of it... all of it is completely worth it.”
-Nadia Bolz-Weber.
Lauren Davis is a Trained Spiritual Director and Covenant Partner of Retreat House. She is currently accepting directees. She would love to hear from you.
Nouwen, H. (1992). Life of the Beloved. United States of America: The Crossroad Publishing Company.