Gazing into the mirror: A self-compassion meditation

Gazing into the mirror: A self-compassion meditation by Diane Pennington

We are familiar with 12-Step spirituality and two of those steps are: 

Step 4 – Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
Step 6 – Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character

For the purposes of this meditation, you are invited to focus primarily on Step 4. This meditation invites you to quite literally look at yourself and take a fearless inventory of your perceptions of yourself.

But here’s one slight consideration: You are invited, to the best of your ability, to step back and Witness yourself, without holding the hammer of judgement about anything you see. We are so good at going to what we perceive as being negatives, or deficits or weaknesses. As you do this meditation, I want you to literally gaze in the mirror or in selfie mode on your phone, for a full minute. Then we will write a couple of different lists about ourselves. So grab something to write on, and let’s begin.

Let’s begin by shutting out all focus but on ourselves – our own images. As you look at yourself, breathe deeply. Notice any tension that arises as you truly focus on YOU. Is there a debate between the things you notice and admire and the critical voices that begin to chirp in your head? Just notice them both. Let’s step into Witness mode as we begin our first list: 

Write down individual words that describe you. 

One column let’s make about Identity – nouns and pronouns, such as Mother, Seeker, student.  Then we will focus on a second column of adjectives: passionate, curious, etc. Let’s take 4 full minutes for both of these lists. It’s OK to list less than complimentary words, but again, try to look at yourself as a loving Witness. 

Now that we have these 2 lists, let’s look at our Identity list. These words all connect with who you see yourself to be in your lives. They reflect relationships, systems, groups, roles of work and purpose.  Are there words in this category that you would like to ADD or would prefer to SUBTRACT?  Be honest – this is between you and God and this is our fearless inventory, remember? Approach this with unconditional acceptance of what currently is, just as God accepts you where you ARE. Let’s take one more minute to make adjustments. Keep what feels true to you, whether you like it or not. 

Let’s turn our attention to our list of adjectives. These are all qualities that we see in ourselves. Are there any that are difficult for you to look at with compassion and acceptance? Are there any words that you have resisted adding to this list, either in the positive or what you consider to be negative?  

Let’s take another minute to look again to add or subtract missing items from this list…

Can we look at both of these lists as the Witness, or do we struggle with self-compassion, the kind of compassion we may be able to offer to others? 

Finally – if you have the courage, I want to invite you to discuss these lists with a trusted friend or partner. Someone who knows you very well. Ask them to FIRST write their own list about you in both columns, then compare your answers.  Sometimes how we see ourselves is skewed by those things that cloud our ability to be fully transparent and kind to ourselves. Sometimes we protect ourselves from seeing qualities we see as less than perfect or admirable. Receive this person’s set of words as true from THEIR perspective. It may be a two-edged sword, but it will almost certainly reveal something new to you. 

Back to Step 6 and being willing to have God remove all “defects of character”. For our purposes today, let’s simply say that we are willing to look more deeply into areas where we might need either growth or healing. But above all, let’s attempt to look at ourselves through accepting and compassionate eyes. 

Vulnerability requires courage. Courage allows growth. As author Toko-pa Turner coined the phrase, let’s develop vulnerabravery. 

You are loved. 

This meditation was written by Rev. Diane Pennington. She is the co-leader of Retreat House Spirituality Center’s Common Ground group where she hosts and leads interfaith prayer every Thursday at NOON (central time) for RH. Learn more about Diane and her ministry. You can watch Diane read Gazing into the Mirror here.