I Will Light The Candles This Christmas

I Will Light the Candles This Christmas

From “The Mood of Christmas…”
—by Howard Thurman

I will light Candles this Christmas,
Candles of joy despite all the sadness,
Candles of hope where despair keeps watch,
Candles of courage for fears ever present,
Candles of peace for tempest-tossed days,
Candles of grace to ease heavy burdens,
Candles of love to inspire all my living,
Candles that will burn all year long.

My sigh turns into a deep breath, a sort of prayer. I let the tension move out of my body.

I sit to write my Advent reflection.

What a year.

And then I sense the corners of my mouth turning up – a smile? Yes it is! I rest in this smile. I rest in this anticipation of going to the store later to purchase items for my wreath. The smile travels through me as I allow myself to settle into my writing chair and the space of my desk. It is a smile of being known, of being in the light – it streams into the window.

What will I write? I am tired from too much Thanksgiving Turkey. My list seems long today as I have created “to-do’s” to “get ready” for Christmas and the turning of the season.

But the smile reminds me of what to write.

This year more than ever, I’ve been hyper-focused on the idea of assembling my own advent wreath – real garland, simple, white candles in votives, no fuss – just the basics to remind me of true meanings. It has been years since I had my own wreath at home, but something inside of me has been craving this ritual. I’ve envisioned myself enjoying the simplicity of this spiritual practice and tradition. The idea of sitting at my kitchen table each day around the wreath to make space, to prepare the way – it fills me with warmth, with familiarity of good times past and with hope.

Then, the smile turns to a giggle as I remember childhood Christmases spent dipping my hand into the wax of our advent candles during reading of prayers. The smile also meets different pieces of sadness that have been living in me. It is saying “Relax, I am here.” I will soften this hardness and weariness. Let me in. And Thurman’s words seem so spot on, so relevant:

“I will light candles this Christmas.”

He, too, despite hardships, seemed adamant to celebrate, to prepare, to make a way for the Light of the World.

So, this year, I will not allow the pandemic, the losses, the division or the unknown of our external circumstances keep me from striking the match, saying prayers and watching the flame flicker. I’ve already imagined dragging my finger through the wax, taking in the fragrant smell of the pine, cedar and holly that make up my advent elements. The beauty it will add to my dining room fills me with contentment.

Then, “Go Tell It on the Mountain” floods my mind. Song lyrics have served as holy moments for me this year – a way that God has spoken to me in fun, light-hearted ways. And so this song encourages me:

“Go tell it on the mountain
Over the hills and everywhere
Go tell it on the mountain
Our Jesus Christ is born
When I was a seeker
I sought both night and day
I asked the Lord to help me
And he showed me the way”

Just like the smile was telling me. Have hope, the Christ is here, is everywhere and in everyone! Do not fear, take heart, I have already overcome the world!”

I will light the candles this Christmas.

This reflection was written by Emily Turner and originally published for Retreat House’s celebration of 2020.