Back to the Body: A Conversation on Race with Rev. Dr. Clay Brantley
It was an honor to visit with my friend Rev. Dr. Clay Brantley recently to better understand his interest and energy around racial reconciliation in his life as well as his commitment to bringing awareness of racial wounds in our country as well as those we hold within ourselves. Clay and I have spent much time on ZOOM together this past year. He is kind, soft-spoken and thoughtful. I knew Clay was dedicated to this specific work, but I didn’t know why. We recently connected to explore his sacred story. My hope is you’ll learn more about Clay, be inspired by his brave vulnerability and perhaps consider cultivating new practices that might create a more, whole and full you in God.
Retreat House Spirituality Center: You've been spending time in the racial reconciliation space for about four years now. Through our conversations, I've learned that this work is very much an ongoing learning process and not so much a destination. I'm curious to understand more about your initial call to bring healing and understanding to race relations in our country. I know that you participated in a Civil Rights Pilgrimage in 2018. Was this the beginning of your call to learn more about race in America? What awakened you to this work?
Rev. Dr. Clay Brantley: Early in my ministry, I audited a class at Grayson County College on African American history. I was shocked at all I did not know, had not heard of, such as Emmett Till. I realized early on there was much I was not seeing on the issue of racism. I started slowly learning back then. Yet, as a preacher, I was very quiet on racism. It was not a topic I discussed much. I knew it was an issue in our society. I knew my Presbyterian church had issued statements on racism. Yet the topic was too hot for me. I didn’t want to stir up controversy or conflict.
Retreat House: It sounds like there has been a call within a call for you. I'm privy to your story of conviction and confession on the greyhound bus during the pilgrimage, and I believe it would encourage those reading this article. Will you describe the moment on the bus that moved you even further into your call?
Brantley: It was on the Civil Rights pilgrimage, after seeing so much history and realizing that we have so far to go for racial justice, that I knew I could not keep quiet any longer. I remember standing on the bus one day and confessing that as a white male preacher, I had been silent and that I was going to begin to speak and seek racial justice. Once I said yes, those opportunities began to come, in surprising ways. Yet, I still get very nervous when I talk about racial inequality.
Retreat House: We are both participating in My Grandmother's Hands, a 24-week somatic discussion and practice led by both you and Rev. Deanna Hollas through Retreat House. We explore questions like: "Imagine the following scenario. At each moment, observe your body closely. What does it experience? Where does it constrict? Where does it relax? What does it want to do? What emotions, thoughts, images or words bubble up?
You're walking in a busy shopping mall. Outside a jewelry store, two white cops - a man and a woman - stand side by side. Both catch your eye, lock gazes with you, and stare grimly at you as you walk closer. As you near the store, the male cop moves his hand and lets his palm rest lightly on the butt of his gun."
While I've noticed some body sensations in working through this book, I still have questions like is this really working? I’m a contributing to making the whole better?
Brantley: I am interested in this work with My Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies by Healer and Trauma Specialist Resmaa Menakem because I feel a deep need to connect with my body. I maybe like you, notice some sensations. I wonder what they are and what to do with them. I wonder what difference it makes. At this point, my suggestion is to simply keep noticing. Connect with those sensations. Don’t jump ahead to judgment about will this work? Trust Resmaa. Lean into what they say and how your body feels. Be present. Give yourself space to breath and notice. The exercise you listed above is a good example. What do you feel? What do you notice in your body? Pay attention.
Retreat House: Do you believe doing this work contributes to healing the greater whole and racism in our country?
Brantley: I think this work is about healing and wholeness of our own lives. Racism infects the souls and bodies of whites, as it does of Blacks, though in different ways. To do the work of healing and wholeness in our society, we need to come to this work having done our own work. Resmaa has said numerous times that white people need to go off and do their work before they come to the table to discuss a way forward with Black people. I think this is true. I need to develop the capacity to be present, to not get defensive, to listen, and to know what is going on in me. I get strength when I develop an awareness and an ability to respond that comes out of love and not out of conditioned response.
Retreat House: I've heard you say that white people are plagued with perfectionism, and I would say I fall into this category. What encouragement or sentiments might you share around this notion?
Brantley: I have noticed the perfectionism tendency in me for years. I never associated that with being white until just a few weeks ago when I saw it in a list of what it is to be white. That puzzled me. How is perfectionism unique to whites. Then I sat with it. Watch how that landed in my body.
“With regards to racism, how much has perfectionism kept me from engaging and acting, because I didn’t want to do it wrong?”
How has perfectionism kept me from speaking because I didn’t want to say the wrong thing? How has perfectionism locked in my own guilt or shame and kept me from moving into healing? When I sat and listened to my body, I knew my perfectionism was keeping me from taking the risk I need to take in order to engage racism.
Retreat House: How did you eventually move from thinking about the work of racial reconciliation and being "blocked by and in your head" to living and being more in your body? And, why do you feel this is significant to this process?
Brantley: I have being trying to understand racism and its impacts on Blacks for a long time. I’ve read books, attend book discussion groups, watch films and discussed the films. All this is good. I learned a lot and gain much insight. I recently read a book, The Body Keeps Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk that helped me to see the trauma I carry in my body. As I listened to my body, I could feel those blocked and locked places, places that refuse to engage with what is before me. I knew I had some deep work to do in trying to connect to my body. Then I read My Grandmother’s Hands which made the connection between that trauma I knew was in my body and racism. As long as I kept up in my head, in my thoughts about racism, I was safe and not engaged. When I began to engage what was going on in my body, I started to move and see and feel in new ways.
Retreat House: Somatics is a new word to many people. Noticing that it is starting to make its way into healing circles, I wondered what your understanding of somatics, and why do you believe that somatics is part of healing racial wounds in America?
Brantley: We have conditioned responses to various situations, responses that happen without much thought, that flow from our bodies and reptilian brain. Our fight, flight, freeze response. If we are not aware of these conditioned responses, we treat them as normal. If we are aware, we can begin to make new choices. If we do not do our somatic work of noticing what is happening in our bodies and in our conditioned response, we will not be able to move down the path to healing. So many of us deny the depth of racism in our society and in our bodies. This denial is keeping us locked and blocked from healing. Confession is good for the soul.
Retreat House: One of the aspects to perfectionism that plagues the white community is the desire to fix. I see it in myself and constantly remind myself to be okay with the mystery, with the process, with the noticing. Will you share some your perspective on the importance of simply developing our capacity to be present?
Brantley: The desire to fix is a desire to remove that which is bothering us. If a loved one is struggling, we want to fix their problems because their problems are causing us pain. Yet, that does not address the problem or the possibility of growth that struggling with that problem can bring.
“ The capacity to be present is the capacity to simply hold space for what is happening.”
To listen. To see. To feel. To notice. It is very hard to do because we are problem solvers who want to get to a solution. Yet the solution we come up with to calm our anxiety over the problem will not be the best way forward. The best way forward can only arise out of presence, out of seeing and listening. This is an invitation into the struggle. This is deep soul work for me. To be willing to show up as best I can, heart, mind, body and soul, and allow the struggle to increase my capacity to love and be present.
Retreat House: Some of the language associated with this work is very off putting to some. It took quite a bit of time for me to even understand that I was indeed racist. Not overtly but more subconsciously as I was contributing and benefitting from the systems that continue to oppress Black people. Some describe this as white supremacy. This word makes me cringe, with all of its harsh images and implications yet I believe getting comfortable with the reality of this language is integral to our healing. What does white supremacy mean to you?
Brantley: I don’t like the word white supremacy. That doesn’t mean it isn’t accurate. I just don’t like the way it makes me feel. Surely I don’t see my white self as supreme to others. Surely that is not the way this society I live in, the country I love, the church I have spent so much time in is. And yet, as I began to develop the capacity to see, I began to see how I thought whites are smarter than Blacks, whites work harder than Blacks, whites are more successful than Blacks. I saw how that just seemed to make sense to me. I know intellectually that this is not true, whites are not smarter than Blacks, or work hard. So I wonder where these ideas came from. I don’t remember my parents tell me these lies. I learned it from the society I grew up in. I incorporated this into my conditioned responses, so I didn’t have to think about whites and Blacks. I already knew. When I had this insight, I knew that I was racist and the society and even church I love and serve is racist. I still don’t like the term white supremacy but isn’t that what this is – thinking that whites are supreme to others in thinking, in hard work, in success.
Retreat House: As a white man living in America, your voice is under attack. You have said that this is one of the greatest tragedies happening right now. Will you shed more light on this noticing?
Brantley: The white man’s voice is being challenged more than ever. I am sure for many of us white men it does feel like we are under attack. Our ideas, our status, our position in society is being challenged in ways it never has before. I do not think this is a tragedy. I think this is a good and necessary thing. I believe white men, even more than white women, have been blinded by power and position that has been ours for over 400 years.
What has been normal for so long is not being questioned. That does feel like an attack. For so long, we white men were the ones who dictated how things were to be. We still do to a large extent.
“I am not sure many white men have developed the capacity to be challenged and questioned.”
We don’t know what to do when our motives as being examined. How to respond. This goes back to developing the capacity first to listen and then respond. White men are so use to being in charge, so use to problem solving, so use to having things go our way, that when they don’t, we feel attacked.
Somatics can help with this. When we feel attacked, we can notice what is happening in our bodies. We can get a perspective of what is happening in us. We can see our conditioned responses. We can show up in a new way. This is hard. Our first response is to be defensive, guarded. To see that defensiveness in us, to name it is a huge step forward that allows us to be present with one another in new ways.
I will say that white men are entering a time of great uncertainty, even great fear. Our place in the conversation is being questioned and challenged. In a few years, white will not be the majority in this country. White men are used to being in control. In many places, you see whites trying to determine the conversation, what can be discussed, what is allowed. I see this as a last ditch effort that ultimately will not work. Freedom will win, not control and censorship. The truth will be spoken, even if we don’t want to hear it. White men need to develop the capacity to hear, to see, to be present, to notice what is happening in our bodies, just like everyone else.
Back to the Body: A Conversation on Race with Rev. Dr. Clay Brantley was reported on by Emily Turner as part of a series being produced by Retreat House Spirituality Center’s series Invitation to Heal: Racism in America. To learn more about our Conversations on Racism discussions hosted by Retreat House, send Clay a note.
Five years ago, Brantley left the local church he was serving to follow a mystical path, a call into a deeper following of Christ. This journey has led him into deep soul work. He is a covenant partner and director of Retreat House. Clay is married to Crysta. They have two children, two dogs and a turtle. Learn more about Clay here.
Emily Turner is a writer and trained spiritual director. You can learn more about her here.