8 years on this earth,

with the soul of a newborn,

I am one of 20 in small desks,

hungry to learn

The lessons and law begin,

all for my salvation

They believe their lies for truth,

and I am led away

A bloodied body outstretched on wood before me,

every day

Always before me

There is no escape

My open spirit taking in all,

I begin my descent

The corpus is mine to own,

for I am to blame

A a child’s abandonment to joy,

lost in unworthiness

The burden of guilt,

and unending fear

My soul in all its beauty,

its preciousness,

It is never raised up as years pass,

and I am lost to my origins

I wait for a salvation

that never seems to come

And I live dimly,

and I live,

and I live…

Then one day,

I am again 8 years on this earth,

the memory is so vibrant,

so clear

I begin to fall

but you are there,

stooping down next to me,

me and my little desk

“Look away Sweetheart

Look away

For this you were not created

This has never been our home.”

Effortlessly you scoop me up

my face buried in your neck,

tightly held,

assured I am going nowhere

I can feel it all,

my arms and legs wrapped around you

like my life depends on it,

because it does

The eternal lump in my throat releases

and I wail,

“They took you away from me!”

amidst great heaving sobs

Carrying me,

doors burst open,

and slam shut behind us

Never to return

Immersed in light,

in the arms of my Deliverer,

all that buried me is left further behind

with every step we take

My soul, now

Exalted

Freed

Comforted

This is what I was created for

all along.

All along.

to be immersed in Light

Deliverance was written by Kathy Oehler and originally published in the 9th book in Retreat House Spirituality Center’s House of series House of Comfort. You can purchase a copy here.

Retreat House will begin exploring Kathy’s sacred story of faith deconstruction and reconstruction in the upcoming months through a series of blog posts. Kathy received the words for Deliverance in a vision from the Holy. We thank her for her brave vulnerability in sharing her words, as together, we enter into this sacred and creative space of healing with Kathy. We will tend to this sacred story with care as well as the hope and expectation her story will provide comfort to fellow pilgrims.

Kathy Oehler was born and raised in Cincinnati, Ohio, after receiving her BSN from the University of Cincinnati School of Nursing, she moved to Dallas with her husband Greg. They currently live in Rockwall and have two sons and one grandson.

After spending 12 years as an obstetrics nurse, Kathy left nursing to be a stay-at-home mother. It was during these years that she was called to ministry to the sick in their homes and skilled nursing facilities. Later, she worked as a volunteer pastoral caregiver at four hospitals in the Dallas areas. She is a graduate of Christian Healing Ministries School of Healing Prayer as a Prayer Minister and a 2014 graduate from HeartPaths Spirituality Center DFW as a Trained Spiritual Director.

Kathy’s ministry is to facilitate spiritual and emotional healing through listening, loving presence, prayer and writing in the form of letters from God and poetry. Her journey embraces the mystical path and the cultivation of joy as a spiritual practice. Her hobbies include gardening, hiking, motorcycling, reading and learning a second language.