First, get comfortable and notice your breath, where in your body do you notice your breath?  Are you breathing from your chest or stomach?  When you are ready, close your eyes.  Check to see if there is any tension in your body that you need to pay attention and notice.  Do your best to release that tension. Try not to judge how you or your body feels just notice.

Now as you continue to notice your breathing, remember a time, person or event where you felt loved and held with compassion. Maybe a close friend or special event. Notice how that makes you feel, how your body feels, maybe it brings a smile to your face.

Continue to stay in that space with these feelings of love & compassion and if an uncomfortable feeling arises notice it, welcome it, just try to notice, not dwell there. Greet it as an old friend or teacher, just don’t let it carry you away from the present.

 While you continue to breathe, open yourself to an invitation to compassion by saying out loud or in your heart, “Welcome” as you breathe in, “Compassion” as you exhale. 

Just notice your breath, your feelings and don’t try to change anything. Just notice.

 - Hold Space for 2 Minutes -

Now bring your attention back to your room, notice the air, the sounds, maybe wiggle your toes or fingers and when you are ready open your eyes.

 In our last exercise, we compared how we talk to a good friend who is struggling and how we talk to ourselves when we are struggling. We all typically find ourselves talking more harshly to ourselves than others. Self-Compassion is a practice we can employ to support ourselves in struggle by modeling the same talk and behavior we would have if we were supporting a good friend during a challenging situation. We may need to practice self-compassion everyday to get better at it, just like anything worth doing. 

 I like to take a stoplight approach to self-compassion at first, every stop sign or stop light, I tell myself something filled with compassion. This is a simple first step in adding self compassion as a practice.

This exercise is adapted by Retreat House Partner Shelley Craig from the Mindful Self- Compassion Workbook by Dcotors Kristin Neff & Christopher Germer.

Now, let’s explore an exercise that will help us with self-compassion:

•  Think about something that is on your mind right now, a personal struggle you may be experiencing. It can be something not too serious. Maybe you said something you regret, or maybe a project hasn’t turned out like you wanted.

• Write that situation down.

• Then write down anyways you have let the story run wild in your mind, maybe write down all the scenarios you have imagined. Maybe write down your fears of the outcome.

• Now see if you can mindfully recognize the pain, anxiety and or fear you are experiencing as you think about this situation. It may be challenging not to judge yourself for these feelings, try to be objective just as you would be for a friend. Validate the feeling rather than excuse or dismiss them as being over dramatic or unjustified. Write these as statements if you can.

• Next, write down any feelings of isolation that you may be experiencing as you think about this situation or as you experience it. For example, have you said things like “no one does stupid things like this”,” I must be the only person who does this, or I'm the only person that this happens to.

• Now, remind yourself of the common humanity of the situation, we all have feelings that can be overwhelming, we can feel inadequate, not worthy of the feelings we are having.

• We recognize that everyone makes mistakes, there have probably been others who have gone through similar situations. Now, right down as a statement recognizing the common experiences something like: “I know that others may have experience this, it can be hard but its not just me.”

• Write down any ways you are judging yourself for what happened. What words or name are you to describe yourself? The situation?

• Finally, write some words of kindness and compassion to yourself. Reminding yourself you are talking to yourself as you would a friend who is struggling.  “ I’m sorry you are going through this, it must be hard. I’m here if you need help.” 

  Don’t be so hard on yourself . . .

 What was this practice like for you? 

• Pause and sit with the feelings it has brought us. Be with those feelings just as they are. Some of us bask in the compassion we have offered ourselves, if this is your experience, can you stay there and create a memory for yourself? 

• For some, this exercise creates some discomfort. If you have experienced some discomfort in this exercise,  can you allow yourself some time to practice and learn

Watch Craig’s guided meditation here.

Read Self Compassion: A Meditation, Part 1.