The midwife

I was in my second year of training to be a spiritual director and we were moving through the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius.  It was the season of Advent and we were invited to spend the week meditating on the birth of Jesus.  The meditation involved putting ourselves into the story, as not just a witness, but as a participant in the gospel narrative itself.  This was a relatively new practice for me as I had always wrestled with using my imagination in prayer.

I found a quiet place to sit, and asked the Spirit to join with me in this meditation.  I prayed for light, guidance and wisdom.  I asked that I be brought into an encounter that would bring me closer to God.

Then, I read the account in chapter 2 of the Gospel of Luke, and entered into a time of silence.  I opened my imagination to the story itself, and I was lead to an encounter with Jesus that was exciting and unexpected.  You see, before I went into ministry, I spent 12 years as an obstetrics nurse, and the Spirit used my passion for my first profession to engage me in the story of the birth of Jesus in a profound and beautiful way.

 As I read this journal entry from 2012, I am struck by how deeply human and sensuous it is, containing nothing of the miraculous in the traditional sense. I am also touched by the message of preparation embedded in the story, a message for this season: preparing the spirit to hear the call, preparing the will for response, preparing the heart to welcome and embrace with love and compassion, and preparing the space so that those who come in need feel as safe and comfortable as possible as they share their stories.  The call in the narrative is for all who are present with those who are birthing new life in their lives.  They are all midwives.

Here is my encounter:

“I saw them a short distance ahead of me.  The sun had dropped below the horizon hours earlier, and it was quite dark and chilly.  The sky was completely clear and filled with stars and, as I walked, I alternated between gazing at the heavens in awe, and watching a very pregnant young woman on a donkey.  A man with concern etched on his face stood protectively at her side.   

I was the town’s midwife, and I had felt strongly called to be out that evening, not knowing why.  Even in this uncertainty, I felt very patient and peaceful, secure in the knowledge that I would know what to do when the time came.  Now I knew why I was here.   Even from a distance I could see the beginning of the discomforts of labor in the woman’s face, and I knew that I had to follow them while they searched for a place to settle for the night.  On and on we went through the city, no one having a place for them. 

Finally, they were able to secure a small stable, nearly full to capacity with animals. As the man led his wife in, I came up behind them and introduced myself, and told them why I was there.  They both smiled and gratefully accepted my assistance as I helped carry their belongings inside. 

My senses engaged as I breathed in the smell of hay and of all those animals.  I heard their sounds of protest as we searched for space among them, and felt the straw beneath me as I prepared a place on the floor with a small blanket.  I arranged the area, hoping to make this new mother as comfortable as I could for the hours ahead.  I helped her lie down on her side, and her husband sat down on the ground beside her and held her hand.  They both silently looked at me as early labor pains came and went and I made preparations for the birth.

The only light we had was from a tiny oil lamp.  The animals had quieted down, and other than the sounds of crickets, the night was silent except for the young woman’s cries as her labor progressed.  I held her other hand, wiped the perspiration from her face, spoke words of assurance and support, and helped her breathe.

All at once it seemed her labor progressed to the point where she wanted to stand up and push.  Her husband and I gently helped her up into a standing position so she could hold on to a wooden beam that was supporting the stable.  She held on to the beam and her husband and started to bear down.  I could see that she was tired, but I could also see the relief on her face.

Sitting at her feet this whole time, I caught a healthy baby boy as he came into the world.  He started crying immediately.  Then, time stood completely still as I held this baby in my hands.  He was no longer crying and his eyes were wide open.  As we gazed at each other I felt an unspeakable love and connection to this child.  I felt like I could see eternal wisdom in his eyes.  In the midst of our silent exchange, I heard a calling deep in my spirit to “Help others birth a relationship with God”.  I took it all in, feeling a longing and an urgency, but also great love and assurance that included, yet extended far beyond, the child in my arms.

We stepped back into time and I saw the young woman fall against her husband, exhausted, and we both helped to lower her back down onto the blanket.  I cut the umbilical cord.  The father and I quickly cleaned and wrapped the baby and placed him on his mother’s chest so she could warm and nurse him.  I finished the delivery and cared for her after the birth.  The new father held his family in his arms and in the midst of my work, he caught my eye, and I could see the relief and gratitude in his eyes as he looked at me and smiled.

My work was completed and I felt at peace.  I stepped out of the stable and looked up at the sky.  It was nearly dawn and still very quiet. I gathered my belongings and began my walk home.”

This reflection on preparation and Advent was written by Trained Spiritual Director Kathy Oehler. This is part Retreat House’s Spreading the Light series. As an interfaith community, Retreat House Spirituality Center will hold space this holiday season to "Spread the Light" as, together, we honor the faith traditions of Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa. Each week, we'll explore the sacred stories of these traditions through reflections, meditations and prayers. If you're new here, sign up to receive these weekly offerings!

In December, we will host several events at Retreat House to explore the HOPE, JOY, PREPARATION and LOVE of the season. View a full listing of those events.