When I think about Blue Christmas, I think about my mom. She passed away two weeks before Christmas in 1989. We knew she was sick, but we didn’t expect her to go so soon. We still had hope that things would turn out differently.

It was one of the hardest Christmases I’ve ever experienced. We were living in Virginia at the time, and the weather was cold. We had small children, a new puppy and we ended up taking care of my mom’s dog after she died. So many pieces to manage.

It was a cold, brutal season in our lives.

Those first years weren’t easy, but as the years passed, Christmas got easier.

When it comes to Christmas, the expectation is to feel the joy of the season. The reality is, if you’re experiencing loss, you don’t feel especially joyful. Whether it be the loss of a loved one, a job, a dream or a relationship, this season can feel lonely and blue. And, a conversation this morning about the experiences of Mary and Elizabeth in the Bible and their stories around pregnancy reminding me how infertility can also make the holidays extra painful.

After journeying through loss at Christmastime, I have a desire to recognize those who are mourning are grieving - the ones who don’t feel quite like entering into the bright, busy, bustling rooms and gatherings with noises and sounds of this season.

I believe there is still light to be discovered in the darkness.

A few ways I’ve noticed to honor the blue of the season:

(These offerings could be practiced by the griever or by those supporting and companioning someone experiencing loss).

• Giving recognition to those who are suffering or in pain. It is still a good practice to include those who you know are suffering in holiday invitations. They can decide to accept invitation or not. If you are the one with the acute loss, be gentle with yourself when accepting invitations.

• Find a place where you can be yourself. You might find a friend, a spiritual director or a pet - a place, and/or companions or companions and fellow pilgrims that can accept and not try to fix your feelings.

• Prayer. Prayer is a tool to connect with others to let them know you care or are thinking of them. Don’t be afraid to send your prayer requests and details of your feelings of loss and grief to trusted people.

• Be mindful of loud, upbeat worship music. I have found that soft, old-fashioned hymns can evoke positive and soothing emotions. That might connect others to loved ones and memories from Christmases past. Tears could come from the music. Healing tears.

• Consider offering a specific space for those who are grieving or aren’t feeling comfortable participating in the “normal” rhythm of the holidays. This could look like a Blue Christmas service and/or a a time of prayer after a regular service for those grieving. For spiritual directors, perhaps consider sharing content around Blue Christmas or offering something online for directees and other pilgrims who need emotional safety during the season.

I believe it is important to name the Blue, to invite it in. To acknowledge it. May we remember God is with us! Amen.

This reflection and meditation transcribed by Emily Turner Watson as told to her by Wendy Habicht.

Habicht has been a healing prayer minister for many years and is currently a training to be a spiritual director. She has a heart for those experiencing Blue Christmas. If you have a prayer request, send her a note. She would love to prayer with you and for you.