Why not a day retreat center?

Greg Smith asked his wife Lil this question around 2015 when the two were heading back from East Texas to look at some ranch property and a possible overnight retreat center.

“You’re always complaining that people don’t take time for themselves,” he continued.

Rev. Dr. Lil Smith is one of the co-founders of Retreat House Spirituality Center, and she says there has consistently been a personal invitation to create a space where people could go to rest, reflect, to play and to pray - a place to connect to themselves, the Holy and others. She saw a need for people to gather without membership requirements or too much conformity, a place where they might explore and express their spirituality with a freedom that isn’t always the cultural norm.

With her husband working in real estate, creating an overnight retreat center together was her original dream.

God had something else in store.

At first, Smith says this initial outcome was very disappointing, but soon her husband’s inquiry about a day retreat center began to shift into new possibility, and she now believes his question was prophetic.

Exploring spaces

Once she recovered from some initial disappointment, Smith began to wonder.

What would a day retreat center look like?

“The space piece is significant,” she says. “You can’t really just go pop something like this into a strip center.”

She needed time to explore. Working with nearby Spring Hill Retreat Center seemed like an option, and so did opening a hospitality suite of some sort at Canyon Creek Presbyterian, her home church community. These folks had supported her through seminary. Her ties were strong here. But it wasn’t quite the right fit. It would still be inside of a church and not a separate space.

Her Canyon Creek friends were so receptive to the idea that it got her thinking some more. What about the manse at St. Barnabas Presbyterian Church? Smith had completed her seminary internship here. She was familiar with the location and knew the church leadership.

A house on church grounds but not structurally connected to the church building.

She decided to make some phone calls.

A broken foot, asking, waiting and prayers

Rev. Deanna Hollas was standing in line to get food during her freshman year of seminary at Perkins School of Theology at SMU. It was 2008. She didn’t expect to end up at a table full of Presbyterians. She thought she was the only one. It was a Methodist seminary after all. But she did.

She also met Lil Smith that day.

The two soon discovered that they had each recently been accepted into San Francisco Theological Seminary’s spiritual direction program. Throughout the course of their three-year training in California, they became both travel companions and friends who discovered their shared passion for spiritual direction along the way.

In August of 2016, Hollas was the first person Smith called upon hearing the good news.

“I finally mustered up some courage to send an e-mail to senior leadership at St. Barnabas,” Smith says. “It had been three months since I had pitched the idea of using the old manse for a retreat space, and I hadn’t heard anything back yet.”

The check-in e-mail proved a worthwhile nudge. She received a call from one of the church trustees within the next hour. Their answer - “yes!” Her next step: to pray. First, she was praying for space, now she would pray for partners. She didn’t quite have the contemplative programming piece worked out yet, but she did know she was being called to create a space for spiritual directors to meet with their directees and to experience and be supported in community.

That’s when Deanna Hollas came to mind.

Setting beginnings

The Summer of 2016 was coming to a close. Renters needed the manse through December. This gave Hollas and Smith space to set some beginnings. They used the time to create the covenant agreement for the community and to begin to consider, pray and wonder what could the house look like?

Smith’s husband Greg provided remodeling services, while their daughter Ali Smith oversaw the design of the space and selected paint colors including the soothing light blue color that populates RH. St. Barnabas offered a low-cost rent option. Prayer partners like Nancy Dunkerly and others were instrumental in welcoming the Spirit of God into the community as they asked questions like who needs this space? What do they need? The first board of directors included Lil Smith, Hollas and Ali Smith. The rhythm and rule of life came into being, and Retreat House officially opened her doors in October 2017 as a 501 (c) 3 non-profit.

Hollas and Smith reflect on the trust it took to settle into this season and the invitation of Retreat House.

Smith shares similar sentiments.

Listening to the slow, unfolding work of God was and still is at the heart of Retreat House. It is also at the heart of spiritual direction which was and continues to be the driving wheel of this community and space.

Room to see what emerges

Allowing people to live out their spiritual life in a way they wanted to try on instead of prescribing a method or expectation of this is the way we do it here was central and still a guiding desire. There was and still is intentionality around not filling up the calendar too quickly with programs so there’s room for the Spirit to work and for others to catch their breath and have room to experiment. Retreat House is meant to enhance the work of the church, not take away from it - a place for pilgrims to go for additional nourishment. For some, it meant and means healing from emotional wounds that they may have experienced within systems like churches was and still is part of the mission. A ministry in the margins.

The Rule of Life served as the litmus test for those wanting to contribute or use the space. It was always a yes until it was a no, and the no’s only came around liability and the reality of running a business.

“Even people that said yes didn’t know what to expect or what their experience would be like,” Smith says. “Denise Reilly comes to mind. She did the landscape design around the labyrinth, designed the water feature and installed the labyrinth. While she was in landscaping, this was her first time to install a project like this. And there are others here with similar stories. I began to see this (RH) space as very invitational and holy.”

Soon Rev. Dr. Clay Brantley, a Presbyterian pastor like both Hollas and Smith, joined the community. He began hosting regular offerings like contemplative painting and writer’s gathering and eventually launched the Conversation on Racism series. The Circle Way model was implemented as a meeting and discussion style that honored leaders and voices in every chair. The breathability of the space allowed for new and creative offerings to emerge. House guides were invited to tend and care for some of the daily house needs. Spiritual directors used the space for spiritual direction sessions, silent retreats and book studies and the House of book series were born. Weekly Souper Soul lunches were also added as well as interfaith gatherings.

All were welcome. All are welcome.

Holding space

Right before the Pandemic in 2020, Retreat House accepted the invitation to clarify the mission and vision. The result of this process was to name the driving wheel of RH as spiritual direction. With this recognition five core values emerged as well as a guiding image of a bicycle. These core values move the wheels forward in the spiritual life - cross pollination, brave vulnerability, cultivation, loving kindness and sharing sacred stories. If one considers the shape of a wheel, the center holds the spokes together. At the center, RH is a retreat venue (both physically and virtually) intentionally holding space for prayer, rest, renewal, healing and growth so that each participant can go back into the world equipped to be a vessel of love and peace.

Holy tears, laughter and physical manifestations are just some of the ways this community can “track metrics,” but the truth is - the type of healing and wholeness that occurs here is hard to measure, and some stories we might never fully know. Maybe they’re not ours to know. And some stories are not ours to tell.

During the Pandemic, RH closed it’s physical space and shifted to online offerings. While this limited some from participating, it provided an opportunity for new individuals to connect from around the country and even some from around the world. The permeable space has allowed for programs to come and go while some remain. Some people come for a season while others have been part of the community from the beginning.

The ripple effect is truly immeasurable.

In October 2024, Retreat House will celebrate her sixth birthday! She has welcomed both covenant partners and ministry partners, shared hundreds of sacred stories, published more than 60 authors through her book series, served hundreds of bowls of soup and provided space for countless Holy conversations, to name just some of the impact.

While it might be tempting to ask what’s next or what do we need to do, Retreat House is a beautiful expression of engaging in a divine dance, not getting too ahead of the Spirit while staying grounded enough to hear how and who God is inviting and to what. This isn’t always easy. Deep listening and holding space without judgement continues to light the way.

Rev. Dr. Lil Smith is the co-founder of Retreat House Spirituality Center as well as a trained spiritual director, supervisor and teacher. In the role of adjunct faculty, Lil facilitates the supervised practicum classes in the Perkins School of Theology Certification in Spiritual Direction and spiritual formation groups.  As a retreat leader, spiritual director and supervisor Lil shares with others her passion for the spiritual life. She incorporates art, music, and creativity in the spaces she creates and holds for Holy Mystery.

Rev. Deanna Hollas is the gun violence prevention ministry coordinator with the Presbyterian Peace Fellowship, a founding member of the Everytown for Gun Safety Interfaith Advisory Council, and the co-founder of Retreat House Spirituality Center.

To learn more about Retreat House, visit our website.

This article was written by Emily Turner Watson. She is a trained spiritual director and storyteller.