To be honest, writing about freedom in a time where freedom is used as a weapon instead of a gift is creating mixed feelings in me.

If freedom was a mirror, what would it reflect? Would it show scars from fighting in wars fought between flesh and blood enemies? Are lines visible due to having hard conversations with friends and family we do not see eye to eye with? Does it show relief and joy? Are we able to dance upon our disappointments? Freedom comes with a high price and many sign up to lay their lives down for it. What does this freedom look like though? If freedom is a competition, what are we trying to win or protect?

When we finally think we accomplished what we fought for, we are met with a longer chain. Shackled by pride, fear, resentment, bitterness, worry, doubt, anxiety, rejection, self-hatred, debt, comparison, loneliness, shame, anger, blame.

We have all this freedom, but do not know what to do with it. We are free to make choices, but we are not free from the consequences of those choices. This “freedom” is suffocating and killing us. Thankfully, we no longer get to be defined and bound by this definition of freedom.

Where voices are silenced, a Savior listens. When we are lost, a Shepherd directs. What we mourn for so long will turn to rejoicing-- the song has found its singer. When we are in desperate need, a Helper sustains. When we hunger and thirst for righteousness, a Provider fulfills.

During the dark night of the soul, we have a comforting friend. In the middle of the storms of life, we have a peacemaker. God does not tell his people to seek Him if he could not be found (Isaiah 45:19). True freedom is a gift from a steadfast God full of justice, mercy, empathy, compassion, wisdom, grace, strength, forgiveness. All good things come from God and is a love like no other.

God does not dangle freedom on a string only to tease us when we reach for it. God disclosed oneself through Jesus Christ who paid the wages of sin by dying on a cross and resurrecting three days later. This is a truth I cannot wrap my head around, but I think it isn’t meant to be understood. The moment we finally figure out the answers to all we question, there would be no need for a Savior to call upon.

So what does true freedom in God look like? I don’t have a perfect answer, but here is what freedom has looked like in my relationship with God. I have experienced freedom in forgiveness. Forgiving others and myself over and over. Forgiveness breaks the idea that my worth and identity is found in what others think about me (Colossians 3:12-17). I give you the permission to misunderstand me. Freedom has happened when I serve others (Galatians 5:13-14). Serving others means not thinking I am better than lending a helping hand to or praying for people with different perspectives, social economic status, skin color, sexual orientation, political party, relationship status. I am free to love my neighbor and to treat others how I would want to be treated.

When Jesus died on the cross, the veil in the temple was torn from top to bottom. A place where all are meant to worship God, the temple only allowed certain people in due to specific social classes, race, health, and gender. The veil torn in the temple symbolizes there is no longer “Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male or female, for we are all one in Christ Jesus.” Jesus set the captives free.

I am no longer defined by how much money I make, my job title, my material possessions, my emotional struggles, or my relationship status as a woman because my value and worth is found in God. I know and trust God is with me wherever and however I am.

Because of Jesus Christ, I am free to come boldly in God’s presence and surrender the things that hold me captive (Hebrews 4:16). I don’t have to pay to enter, sacrifice animals, ask for permission or beg because Jesus’s death and resurrection made a way for me to enter his courts with praise wherever I am. He did this so that all could be saved. I put my faith in Jesus Christ who is making all things new. He paid the ultimate price for true freedom--to come as we are.

Lauren Davis, Retreat House partner and trained spiritual director. You can contact her here. She is also a member of Kingdom Transformation Church.