Light illuminates, Even in Darkness by Liz Rasley

“God has delivered me from going down to the pit, and I shall live to enjoy the light of life.”

- Job 33:28

Light illuminates, even in darkness.

Not sure there is anything more representative of 2020 than the fact that I voluntarily signed up for a passage on Job for a devotional (if you’ve skipped over this book in the Bible, it’s with due cause – this one is a tough one to swallow with a lot of suffering.) What’s even more? I signed up to write about a passage in Job during Advent, in a pandemic no less, and thought, this will be a snap to write. Mercy. Mercy on me and my poor, poor judgement skills. And all of us in phenomenally difficult this year, yes?

For the record, I appreciate this passage in Job because of the bit about light, and how God has delivered us from the pit. That pit and light bit, well, it tracks. Isn’t that 2020 in a nutshell? It reassures me that God is still with us, even despite the arrival of murder hornets. This light-darkness contrast in this passage, is, in a way, a synopsis of every Zoom call I’ve been on in late 2020 – talking about the pandemic and other pit-like things, and then also, some ridiculously joyful thing out of nowhere, like a cat walking across your keyboard. And then sudden realization that you can still laugh, still find the light within you and others.

But, honestly? Most days I’m still thinking about the pit. Some days, despite all the hand-holding and reading and propping myself up, I am still wondering if I am near the edge of the pit or just along the edge of it. Some days it is so difficult to tell. Light, while as automatic and ordinary as the sun, feels far away. Other days, I’ve wonder if I’m blessed by being saved from the pit or if I’m actually at the bottom of it, looking up. And in years like this one, personally, it’s about all I can do to wonder if I’ve not been dancing along the rim of the pit the entire time, one small pirouette away from falling.

My husband and I were talking about Advent this year, and how it might be better, more real and grounding this year. Advent in 2020 is both starkness and joy. We all know what it is like now to hold both joy and sorrow in our hands with tangible weight, and sometimes both at once.

We continued to talk, and I asked about candles – should we light candles for Advent? Don’t you think that is a good way to mark the season? Without hesitation or snark, Brandon replied, yes, a Roman Candle seems about fitting. Roman Candle being the firecracker kind, not the Roman Catholic kind, for the record. I laughed but also, didn’t disagree. Life has been hard.

And so, here we are, deep in the abyss, in the winter of both December and this thing that has brought such pain and sorrow and deep grief this year. At times, a Roman Candle (or ten) to burn the whole thing down seems about the right, balanced, emotional response. After all, who could blame us? We are only humans. Small things really, that just miss our friends, our community, our sense of connection, which we have now realized, is almost everything. Throwing a handful of Roman Candles into the pit of our despair sounds like a fairly logical and emotionally healthy thing to do.

But we know better. We know better. And, we know God.

And we know, deep down, however bad it gets, He’s there. He’s holding our hand on the rim of the pit, taking hold of us from falling in. He’s there, even though we still weigh and consider how badly we’d want a hundred Roman Candles to blast out certain parts of this year.

Liz Rasley

Author

This excerpt is part of Retreat House’s Daily Light series. To sign up to receive these, email us.