By Rev. Deanna Hollas

I am trying to grow in my ability to be compassionate, not because I’m a good or noble person but for selfish reasons - I hate conflict. When I see people being mean, angry or hateful, I feel it and it hurts me. I am tired of hurting. I want people to just love one another and get along.

So, a few years ago, I was praying for how I could make the most impact on ending violence and the answer I got was to help children - to be part of stopping violence before it started. I was gifted with the opportunity to volunteer as a restorative circle facilitator in an elementary school that had the highest rate of discipline problems in the district and the highest rate of poverty in the state (which is why there were discipline problems). These kids had already been exposed to so much trauma that they were in constant fight or flight mode, with fight being their conditioned response. They didn’t want to fight, but they didn’t know what else to do as their trauma-ridden bodies had more influence on their behavior than their minds. They needed a tool to help them in the moment, to give them a little space to respond from something other than fight or flight and to re-engage their thinking brain.

I began to teach them to breath, to slow their breath down enough to reset their body’s fight or flight response. From this simple breathing practice, I developed a spiritual practice - Breath, Welcome, Transform.

Breath, Welcome, Transform invites us to go into the body where trauma is stored so we can begin to heal it.

The practice begins with grounding in the breath. Research shows that breathing in and out through the nose, all the way down in the belly at a rate of four to six breaths per minute will take the body out of fight of flight mode, resetting it into rest and digest. The next step is to remember a time when you felt loved. Maybe this involves a person or a particular place. As you remember, you notice how being loved and held with compassion in your body. These feelings are anchors that you can return to as you begin to welcome and explore uncomfortable feelings.

You are now ready to enter the body through a body scan in which you simply notice the feelings and sensations you have in your body today. As you scan, do no try to fix or solve or change the sensations in any way. Once you have scanned your whole body, you ask yourself, “What in my body most needs my loving attention today?”

When you find that place, focus your attention there and sink into the sensation while adding a breath prayer, breathing in welcome and breath out compassion. When you breathe in welcome, you welcome not only the sensation but Spirit - the Breath of Life - into the sensation with you. As you breathe out compassion, you imagine holding the sensation with compassion like you would a hurt or scared child.

You can then go deeper into the body by noticing if the sensation has a shape, color, temperature, or personality. Begin to listen to the sensation by asking a series of questions:

• Why did you step into my life today?

• What did you come to teach me?

• What do I need to learn from you?

• Have I met you before?

• If so, when?

• Have you come into my life often and have I ignored you?

• What do you need?

• Do you have a gift for me?

As you listen, imagine your feeling or sensation as a small child who is scared or hurt; hold all that it says with love, tenderness, and compassion. Do not try to change a thing.

This practice teaches us to love all that is within us so that we can then better love others. This is contrary to what we normally taught, which is control and domination Learning to not only sit with uncomfortable feelings but also, to hold them with compassion is the way to heal the world.

As Clarissa Pinkola Estes says, “Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely.”

Rev. Deanna Hollas hosts Breath, Welcome, Transform every Monday virtually through Retreat House. Email Deanna to register and receive ZOOM link to join.