A Peaceful Rhythm in the Midst of Disruption: Growing a Rule for Life by Emily Turner

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of home, it was the winter of despair.”

These words from Charles Dickens are the introduction to his classic novel Tale of Two Cities.

Not until now have they resonated so deeply.

We are seeing truths exposed in new ways, but it is only through the darkness of riots and violence that these gaps and holes and hurts are being exposed - systematic racism, white privilege, idolatry of power, the list goes on. We are home with our families, with ourselves. Perhaps wounds are being exposed and healed but at the expense of casualties from a ravaging pandemic.

Many of us wonder how to respond.

Could a Monk Have Something to Teach Us?

It was the worst of times, it was the best of times.

Born in a town 70 miles from Rome in 480 A.D., St. Benedict of Sorcia eventually became known as the “Father of Monks,” founding more than 12 monasteries by age 39 and also writing the Rule of Benedict, which later became known as the Rule for Life, a document outlining qualities of living a balanced life - humility, patience, simplicity, solitude, caring for others and living in community.

While Rome was not in total ruins by the 5th century, history books describe this time that Benedict lived as one where inhabitants and governments failed to thrive after the collapse of the Western Roman Empire at the end of the third century.

St. Benedict is documented as saying he created his Rule for Life in an effort to create safety and more space for the holy in a time where external circumstances felt out of his control.

Sound familiar?

Making Room

Growing a Rule of Life is a guiding covenant with the Holy, and it takes time to create. We must make room.

Through deep reflection, we have opportunity to illuminate and name desires and then consider how we might align them with our daily living and choices. By going within, we can notice what sensations, wonderings, prayers, feelings, scriptures the Divine is bringing into awareness so we might live a life that more accurately reflects our interior space.

While some choose to develop a Rule for Life at the beginning of each year, a sacred rhythm for living can be created at any time. In both cases, it is most meaningful to create your own language when developing a rule for life.

Co-Founder and Director of Retreat House Spirituality Center Rev. Dr. Lil Smith provides a guided examen for developing a Rule for Life. She encourages a quite space, a lit candle and open heart before beginning. It is also recommended to bring your favorite translation of the Bible as well as art supplies or other items from nature that bring you live.

Spend five to 15 minutes focusing on your breath and seeking freedom from things that distract you. Honor them, put them aside and rest in love.

The Examen

• Reflect on the past day

  • What gave you life?

  • What sucked the life out of you?

  • Write down significant noticings?

  • Consider the four arenas of life: God, others, creation and systems and structures.

• Repeat the above and reflect on:

  • Past week

  • Past month

  • Past quarter

  • Reflect on the past year

  • Reflect on your lifetime

• Review your examen

  • Notice threads and themes and consider what they reveal to you.

  • Invite your innermost desire to arise within you.

• Free-flow with desire

  • Welcome all that comes as you invite a time of free-flow journaling or drawing to allow your innermost desire to arise from within.

• Return to a time of silence

• Select a guiding word, verse or quote for the year (or just for today)

  • Invite a word, sentence or verse in scripture to serve as an overarching guide. If a word does not arise quickly, move forward keeping this invitation before you. Check back in to allow the space to emerge.

Creating a Rule for Life

As you are going through the examen exercise, different ideas for your Rule will emerge. Unlike much of life, this is not a to-do list or time to resolve to “be better.” You are co-creating with the Holy, and the process of coming to a tangible Rule will most likely look a little different per person.

If the word rule seems too stringent to you, it might be helpful to replace it with rhythm. This is not a linear process.

As you enter into the creation phase repeat this scenario:

• How do you desire to be in relationship with the Holy each week?

• How do you desire to be in relationship with the Holy each month?

• How do you desire to be in relationship with the Holy each quarter

• How do you desire to be in relationship with the Holy each year?

• How do you desire to be in relationship with the Holy with your dreams?

Some may emerge with magazine cutouts of words and phrases that speak to them. Perhaps a poem or drawing, maybe a combination of these. Smith encourages participants to resist the urge to include full sentences and too much structure.

Smith reminds us that this exercise is based on desire. God’s desire and our desire. And that desire is more than a want or a need.

“Desire is that part of your soul which is drawing you toward the Holy: God, Love, Joy, Hope and Peace.”

She also recommends putting our Rule for Life away in a draw for a few months, allowing God to be God and helping participants resist the compulsion to make this something to achieve.

“Not every day will be perfect,” Smith says. “Old wounds will come up that need to be tended as well as joys that need to be celebrated. The invitation is to remember that this is a living covenant with the Holy, and if it becomes a to do list, it has the potential to become an idol.”

We must trust and remember that God is faithful to the journey.

Rev. Dr. Lil Smith is co-founder and director of Retreat House. If you should use this exercise with a group, please give credit to Smith as the author. If you practice this exercise and feel led to share joys, celebrations and holy connections, we would love to hear from you!

Watch an interview with Smith where she discusses Rule of Life. This interview is the second installment in Retreat House’s Social Media Series “Story Seeds,” which highlight various RH partners and their ministries providing readers and listeners a chance to further explore the sacred stories reflected in our blog posts.

Emily Turner is a writer and trained spiritual director and provided the commentary for this article. You can send her a note here.